the vultures of failure are circling

Guess what!  I didn’t get my walks in this week, or my meds every day.  Didn’t stay caught up with work.  Been feeling pretty depressed and sad about life in general and being single and absolutely no time to do anything about it.  Been eating sugar and wheat and whatever because I really don’t give a fuck.  I actually do care but it’s wearing to never have success in any part of my life for more than 24 hours at a time.

Monday I was determined to do my med regimen.  Not perfectly – perfection is a four letter word to me any more – but do much better.  Figure out how to do the stuff that needs done on an empty stomach, and the stuff that needs done with a meal, and get it all in every day this week.  But I failed, and only did about 30%.

I read about how Armour Thyroid is better in a split dose, except I don’t remember to take the second dose.  I started taking the probiotic first thing in the morning instead of trying to take it at night (that actually works pretty good), so that pushes out when I can the iron/vitamin C combination, and then when I can do Armour thyroid, and then I need a meal to take a big handful of what needs taken next, which includes fish oil and I am so reluctant to take that at work.  Fish oil breath is pretty gross. I read this and it reads as an excuse.  grrrr….

I am failing at work.

I have two months to get to the top of the ranking at job A or I will be asked to step out of my position.  Doing better but several failures this week, although they can tell I am trying hard since our last meeting, I need to learn to multitask better, time manage better, follow through better, report better.  And work more hours.


The accounts assigned to me from Job B were given to me a full month behind and even with all of the hours I have put in on it they are still a month behind, and I am buried so completely I don’t know how I will ever catch up.


I need a miracle.  And a new brain.  Does Amazon carry those?

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