The kids hung drinking straws on the Christmas tree. They took all the brushes and cleaning cloths out of the mop bucket and hung them around the house. I found scrub brushes hanging off of the peaks of the christmas Continue reading Twas the week before Christmas→
This week has been a bunch of up and down. I am so very happy, yet everything and nothing has changed. The ring on my finger catches my attention and I am reminded that I am married…. How strange it Continue reading Entering a New Reality→
The day started out well enough, a late Friday the 13th night beginning of a few enough shots of rum and chocolate, and a two hour chat with a dear friend of mine. We discussed the LDS church and temple recommends. That’s an interesting conversation to have while intoxicated. One step at a time through that emotional minefield.
I ran a few errands Saturday morning. Pharmacy, but only the only one… the other is closed on weekends. I hit a thrift store and scored some great throw pillows and a lovely comforter cover for the couch. I love a good bargain.
My cute grandson brought me over flowers and chocolates.
I baked a cherry pie and ate half of it. Made a pina colada with a banana, some pineapple, coconut milk, and vanilla rum. I haven’t done anything productive since. No walk, no healthy food. Just hid in my room and listened to music while I played on my laptop all day. The relationship of the M&Ms has been creeping into my head again lately, and much as I try to shake it off, the lonely quiet of my flat gets to me, the feelings of being worthless by default, worthless because of my age. I look in the mirror and I see gray hair and wrinkles and that I am gaining weight again, probably five pounds. Ugghhhh…..
JB texted me late. It’s nice to be in the final thoughts of his day.
Email to my counselor: I am afraid to keep seeing you because when I run out of sessions, when you reach that point where you know I am crazy (which you have), then I will feel abandoned because you will Continue reading judgement about me→
I have been tracking my mood 1-100 and my level of anxiety 1-10 and, surprisingly, over the last 30 days, there has been a vast improvement. I do not know what I am doing differently. Is it a physical thing, Continue reading another week closer to 50→