Today I tried making coconut curry soup and it was only so-so, not fantastic. When I pulled the thai red pepper paste out of the fridge I noticed that the first ingredient was wheat… Then, when the curry taste was Continue reading Trying a new recipe for dinner→
The last few days I have been parked on our bed with my laptop, reading about diet vs inflammation and considering the fate of not being able to eat whatever I want to eat, which sucks. My previous practitioner in Salt Lake City Continue reading Garden Fresh Food→
This morning I stepped on the scale. 115 pounds. ugghhh…. I can feel it in my body, see it in the way my clothes are fitting. Feeling short of breath at the top of the third flight of stairs, still Continue reading pudge→
two nights without a drink. this is progress, right? I am up at least ten pounds. Jeans getting tight, and craving sugar and carbs and eating everything in sight, for weeks now. I don’t quite understand the momentum behind a Continue reading my friend vino→
Today another meeting with my counselor. Today we talked about how much I don’t like endings. Why don’t you like endings? she asked. Because endings are abandonment, and I will never abandon anything or anyone who has a glimmer of Continue reading the domesticity of pie→
The day started out well enough, a late Friday the 13th night beginning of a few enough shots of rum and chocolate, and a two hour chat with a dear friend of mine. We discussed the LDS church and temple recommends. That’s an interesting conversation to have while intoxicated. One step at a time through that emotional minefield.
I ran a few errands Saturday morning. Pharmacy, but only the only one… the other is closed on weekends. I hit a thrift store and scored some great throw pillows and a lovely comforter cover for the couch. I love a good bargain.
My cute grandson brought me over flowers and chocolates.
I baked a cherry pie and ate half of it. Made a pina colada with a banana, some pineapple, coconut milk, and vanilla rum. I haven’t done anything productive since. No walk, no healthy food. Just hid in my room and listened to music while I played on my laptop all day. The relationship of the M&Ms has been creeping into my head again lately, and much as I try to shake it off, the lonely quiet of my flat gets to me, the feelings of being worthless by default, worthless because of my age. I look in the mirror and I see gray hair and wrinkles and that I am gaining weight again, probably five pounds. Ugghhhh…..
JB texted me late. It’s nice to be in the final thoughts of his day.
JB is staying at my house for a few days because he has training for work in Salt Lake. We watched the Bridges of Madison County last night, and was reminded that with every choice, there are lost opportunities. Experiences Continue reading happy tired→
The question of how do I resolve the issues of religion in my life have been wandering around my head for over a year. Spiritually I feel so completely out of sync, and I have for quite a while. Caught Continue reading God, if you are listening….→
JB began texting me yesterday morning, that he felt his prayers were not being heard, that he had been fasting a lot lately but God was silent to him, that he must know God’s will, and he can’t keep seeing Continue reading don’t go away mad, just go away→
I took a couple of days off from DC and spent Thursday and Friday in frustrating unfocused brain fog, unable to get much done, and feeling the mounting pressure of deadlines. I again remind myself that my food choices have Continue reading paint me a picture of the future→
It is December and I want it to feel like something wonderful and it doesn’t, it is flat and quiet. It is up to me to do something about it and I don’t seem to be able to drag myself Continue reading and the next day….→
How can I be at 37 days left of the last 100? I have done nothing….nothing except get more crazy and depressed and more strange coping mechanisms. I am not sure what all the deciding factors were – I think Continue reading a little more abandoned→