The last few nights have been emotionally difficult. It is hard to be alone when I am married. We celebrated our one month anniversary with a phone call. Is this what I signed up for? Playing house on the weekends Continue reading a daily dose of God
Session with my therapist today, who had two questions: What would it take to have the courage to face my anxiety without resorting to dysfunctional coping behaviors? What is my plan if my needs cannot be met in my new life? Continue reading just breathe
If you have MTHFR you shouldn’t drink. Period. I haven’t had a drink since Friday night, except for a glass of sacramental wine on Sunday. I know, I know… It’s only Tuesday, and this morning my hands were shaking when Continue reading on the subject of wine
Today another meeting with my counselor. Today we talked about how much I don’t like endings. Why don’t you like endings? she asked. Because endings are abandonment, and I will never abandon anything or anyone who has a glimmer of Continue reading the domesticity of pie
This week has been a bunch of up and down. I am so very happy, yet everything and nothing has changed. The ring on my finger catches my attention and I am reminded that I am married…. How strange it Continue reading Entering a New Reality
The anxiety about my upcoming wedding is eating at me, growing every day. I have a countdown clock going; we are down to a few days. I am supposed to pick up my dress on Thursday and head to his Continue reading Are You Sure About This?
JB called me on Friday night and…. I am no longer a single woman. He asked me to reopen my FB account so that he could update his status to “In A Relationship”. I think the posting has accumulated about Continue reading my Facebook status update
JB began texting me yesterday morning, that he felt his prayers were not being heard, that he had been fasting a lot lately but God was silent to him, that he must know God’s will, and he can’t keep seeing Continue reading don’t go away mad, just go away
Sugar Detox officially began yesterday, and in celebration I ate a bowl of broccoli cheese soup with a roll and butter and about five pieces of fudge! I feel rather ridiculous about it. I am really struggling with food all Continue reading Fudge and other worthwhile distractions
How can I be at 37 days left of the last 100? I have done nothing….nothing except get more crazy and depressed and more strange coping mechanisms. I am not sure what all the deciding factors were – I think Continue reading a little more abandoned
Email to my counselor: I am afraid to keep seeing you because when I run out of sessions, when you reach that point where you know I am crazy (which you have), then I will feel abandoned because you will Continue reading judgement about me
I have spent the last three weeks dating someone, from start to finish. I don’t like being lonely, and that’s where I am back to. It was empowering to make that choice to let go but I would have rather Continue reading All Endings have a Beginning
It’s been a whirling, churning mad dash through insanity this last several days. Every night I think about this blog and don’t know how to form the words to describe my thought process or my day. Met with my counselor. Continue reading Day 48 – do I care?
Meeting with my psychiatrist last week. She said all kinds of things, about me being far too thin, that she wouldn’t talk to me about food because it would do no good. Why did I go off my meds? Because my Continue reading wanting a road map
I have been trying to write a post for days now. I’m struggling to stay happy, to take care of me, to stay on top of work and the details of my life. Today I went to watch the football Continue reading Day Something